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Have you ever seen The Stepford Wives—the awesome original or the campy/crappy remake?

I got to thinking about the robot that would replace me if I lived in Stepford, and how easy it would be to program it.  There are only about 30 things that I do all day – I just do each of them a lot.

  1. Pick baby up
  2. Put her down
  3. Wipe milk from couch cushions
  4. Wipe sticky fingers and face
  5. Just keep wiping
  6. Say “food stays on the tray”
  7. Remove Cheerios, one at a time, from the floor
  8. Wrestle an alligator (diaper change)
  9. Wrestle an alligator (car seat edition)
  10. Try to get sun screen on the alligator
  11. Push a swing and say “Wheeee”

    Wheeee

  12. Eat cheddar bunnies and drink from the sippy (share some with baby)
  13. Employ the 5-second rule
  14. Snap a photo a half second after baby does something new/amazing/adorable
  15. Spend 20 minutes trying to recapture missed photo op glory
  16. Make friends with dogs
  17. Buy milk and bananas
  18. Check Facebook and sigh at all the people on vacation
  19. Perform my one-woman show “I’m peeing on the potty” for a captive audience
  20. Take out toys
  21. Put away toys
  22. Try unsuccessfully to prevent the reemergence of the toys
  23. Rudely interrupt play time to prepare a meal (over objections of alligator, who may bite)
  24. Observe baby drinking bath water (look the other way)
  25. Observe baby not making contact between teeth and toothbrush (look the other way)
  26. Wrestle sleepy alligator (pajamas)
  27. Read Goodnight Moon from memory in reverse order just to keep things interesting
  28. Fall asleep with eyes open while singing Twinkle Twinkle
  29. Feel lucky, get worried, knock wood (the robot will not bother with this)
  30. Kiss the baby

 

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