We’re deep into the IVF process now, and this past weekend, doctors harvested my eggs. They didn’t even buy me dinner first.
Dave and I conceived our first child naturally, in a cartoonishly ideal way: on vacation in Waikiki, waves crashing outside our balcony, the scent of fresh plumeria and gardenias wafting through the air. Hawaii seemed like such an auspicious origin — a 4-star Garden of Eden — and I seriously considered naming our baby “Leilani.”
This time around, our DNA is being combined in a petri dish without so much as a Barry White song to set the mood.
I’m not complaining – I feel extremely fortunate to live in a time when advanced reproductive technology can compensate for my misspent youth. But the process does feel different: more clinical, not as romantic, though in no way less miraculous.
I was seven years old when Louise Brown, the world’s first “test-tube baby” was born and I distinctly remember her being big news, even if I didn’t totally understand the science part. (Hell, I still don’t understand it and I’m going through it.)
As a child, I was always fascinated by the miracle of life, and the pages of our Random House Encyclopedia outlining reproduction were dog-eared and worn. I don’t recall a big shocking ah-ha moment of finding out how babies were made—it was something I always knew, a story my mom and the encyclopedia told me slowly and gently, over many years.
I look forward to having those conversations with Viv, and with baby #2 if we are so fortunate, but I can’t help but wonder – are those two different conversations? In other words, does the IVF kid need to know about the IVF? Or is the method of conception as irrelevant (and gross) as whether mom and dad did it missionary or doggie style?
i had the opposite experience than you. Baby #1 was 3 years, infinite tests of my wife, and me… including a rectal exam to ensure i didn’t have an enlarged prostate impeding the ability of my boys to swim (which was not pleasant) … and ended with a successful IVF preganancy and a happy and healthy baby boy.
Our doctor sat us down after our son was born and asked what we were going to do for birth control now… we both laughed. “we are our own birth control” was our answer. Without the stress, obsessive behavior about ovulation times, etc, we were both a bit more relaxed and 9 months later, she was pregnant with #2… 🙂
Oh, and to your question… no, i don’t plan to have the IVF discussion until either of them until they are thinking about kids themselves. and i don’t know what position we were in for my daughter.
Thanks for sharing your awesome story! I think that time frame for sharing info (if ever) makes sense.
I think there’s a potentially ironic future in store for you and your child(ren), Amy: your second, artificially conceived child will be the “norm” in 10-20 years while your first, naturally conceived child will be considered “old-fashioned.” And, by future standards, both will give you crap for not optimizing their gene selection.
This would make a great Vonnegut short story. Since he’s no longer with us, would you write it?