My job as a parent is to teach my toddler how the world works. I make sure she knows that stoves are hot, snow is cold and it’s always nice to share – especially Halloween candy, with your mother.
But despite my best efforts, a lot of what my daughter is learning in toddlerhood seems to run counter to real life. Here are some of the unrealistic expectations I think we’re setting for her:
1. Every time someone visits, they bring you a gift.
2. Whenever you do something new, people applaud.
3. Your poops are a cause for celebration.
4. Mispronouncing a word is adorable.
5. Your singing voice is perfection: encore, encore!
6. Eating with your hands, eating under the table, eating while running – all fine! Everyone’s just happy you’re getting your nutritional needs met.
7. Clothing is optional.
8. When you get tired, a large person airlifts you and all your belongings to your destination.
9. The paparazzi follows your every move.
Hope you’re not too disappointed in 20 years, kid.
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