Dave is super easy going about the wedding planning. Usually we’re in sync, and if we’re not, he’ll defer to Bridezilla. Except on this one issue:
No video. He’s putting his foot down.
Photo via WeddingClan.com
“I want to experience our wedding, not record it.” He tells me. He’s thought about this.
Pre-baby, we used to go see rock shows at this club on Sunset, The Roxy, and we’d be so annoyed by all the people with their camera phones in the air, videotaping the whole damn thing.
It’s bad enough having your view blocked. The vibe suffered.
Instead of being in the moment, singing and yelling and dancing, these douchebags were standing stock still, trying to “capture” something that in reality they were completely missing.
A great concert is more than just video and audio. It’s the smell of the beer that sticks to your feet. It’s the taste of victory when they play that song you hoped they’d play all night. It’s feeling the sweat drip down your back from jumping up and down like a pogo stick. I hoped our wedding might encompass different sensations, yet I appreciated the analogy.
But, but, but…
“Plus if I know I’m being recorded, I’m going to be too aware. It will change how I am. Our wedding’s not supposed to be a performance.” Well, no one wants that.
But, but but….How is being videotaped any different from being photographed?
“A photo is a stolen moment. A video is ALL the moments, and that’s not necessarily a good thing.” He tells me about the time he was asked to videotape a close friend’s ceremony, years ago. “I don’t know if they watched the video, but if they ever do, all they’re going to remember is that damn crow that squawked the whole time they were saying their vows.” Crow? “Crow!”
But, but, but…Surely sometimes video gets it right. Neil Armstrong’s moon walk. Michael Jackson’s moon walk.
“Video replaces memory – it becomes the only version of events. Our wedding would be frozen forever, this one version that the video camera shot. I want my memories. No one puts stock in memory anymore!” He’s right. I know he’s right.
But, but, but…What if I have a head injury and get amnesia and only our wedding video will bring back my memory?
“You’re not going to get amnesia, and if you do, I think our photo album will suffice.”
What do you think, reader? Videotaping the wedding, pros and cons?
Dave might change his mind, he might not. I’m not going to push it. I’d rather he remembered how much fun it was planning our wedding together.
And I don’t want to be eating crow.
Ha! I say defer to Dave. Clearly he feels quite STRONGLY about this. Besides, video-taped weddings are completely cheesy! I’m with Dave on this.
PS
At our wedding we had our photographer set up his photo booth (in addition to him photographing the wedding). Totally fun!
His strong feelings are the #1 reason NOT to do it. Cheesy I can live with 🙂 Photo booths – so fun!
We got married 5 years ago. We’ve watched the 30 minute montage twice, and fell asleep while watching the unabridged version. My husband promptly wanted to call our 300 person guest list to apologize for such a boring ceremony. Video = overrated. Photos = worth it.
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Ceremonies are pretty boring, aren’t they? Wish I could have some invisible video camera that just catches the aisle walk, the kiss, the first dance, the speeches…
video….overrated plus they are ALWAYS in the way of the photographer….this coming from a wedding photographer and someone who skipped the video but hears people complain about the video all the time
Thanks for the professional opinion. The last thing I want to do is annoy or block our photographer. He’s got job 1.
We did not film. We have no regrets. Hire a good photographer though. I swear we had the best. Unobtrusive, skilled and professional. Both he and his assistant were tops. He specializes in weddings.
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I didn’t remember whether you had video – good to know! Yes your photos are GORGEOUS. I think we found someone good here.
We didn’t make a video and I have no regrets. The photos are enough to bring back the memories the way you remember them, not the way they were “captured.” I also say go frugal on the photographer. A pro will take some nice portraits which you may frame and share with family members and enough candids to keep the memories alive, but the excessively expensive album will sit in storage and seldom get looked at.
Good to hear, the no regrets part. I might be the only person anyone knows who still spends hours making and then looking at photo albums. I am a wedding photographer’s dream customer.
no video unless you go homespun – we had a friend film the church and then pass around a video camera at the reception so people video’d each other. That way it was family & friends taping each other – wasn’t some annoying crew with a bright light and a microphone!! It was lovely – we watched it the day after the wedding, enjoyed some moments we missed – but now the tape is sitting in a drawer somewhere – don’t know that we’ll ever watch it again…I guess I should get it transferred to dvd/digital file so someday my son can watch it 🙂
That sounds really fun. Maybe we can work something out with Flip Cams. Thanks!
So. We were staunchly anti-video for like forever. (I have watched my Bat Mitzvah video exactly never.) But then we had some friends with elementary-school-age kids tell us that their KIDS love watching the video of them get married. Well we are not made of stone so we decided to video our wedding for that one-day-hypothetical-reason.
HOWEVER. We didn’t have a lot of money and we knew we wouldn’t watch it probably, plus my husband has an MFA in film so he knows his way around FinalCutPro and figured he could edit the footage himself one day. So my husband’s best friend knew a cameraman near where we were getting married (back in NY state, not LA) who owned his own camera (not your average consumer camera, but like a legit “I make independent movies” camera), so we paid him $500 (plus a vendor meal) and provided him the tapes. We told him “just the highlights” so he did, like, the ceremony, the toasts, and maybe some other stuff too. But hey, it’s nearly five years later and I’ve never sat through it all so I’m not really sure what else is in there. But it IS really nice knowing that we have that footage so that one day our kids can watch it if they want to.
Plus these:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c2A2qBFBz3o
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4tF6TpDqovk
(yes my husband was also an a cappella nerd in his college days)
(and you can see that the camera work is not exactly top notch but for just $500 for a friend-of-a-friend, we knew what we were paying for)
(sigh, I was a lot skinnier then.)
Similar deal here – Dave’s an editor, so I was trying to talk him into getting someone to just roll tape on the cheap. He said “I don’t even want to edit it!” But I tell you what, if we had awesome a capella nerds in our wedding party, that would clinch it for video. Seriously, so cute!
We had video, god knows where that video went too. Photos are awesome though, My brother was the one videotaping, half way through it though he let go of the camera to join the festivities and honestly I don’t blame him lol
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These poor wedding videos…they seem to get lost a lot 🙂
My kids love to watch the video every year on our anniversary and it is nice to see those that are no longer with us. But, I guess if you have good photos….
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Good point – I have a 95-year-old Grandma who may be making the trip. Plus our daughter will be walking down the aisle as our flower girl. I’d like to be able to show her that.
Photobooth at wedding – awesome
Massive YouTube uploads to capture everyday life for the fam – also awesome
The photographer I wanted – priceless
Wedding Video – thank goodness we didn’t have one.
We got married in a gorgeous public garden. For SOME UNKNOWN REASON (translation = because I am a know-it-all who sometimes has a mind blowing lack of humility) I told my husband a rehearsal was unnecessary. During the ceremony I entered via the side entrance, happily leaving my dad’s arm to climb over the front row of guests, all smiles, not even aware that I was doing anything ridiculous. Then after the ceremony my husband asked me why I didn’t come down the BEAUTIFUL center aisle, framed by flowers in all colors and a star-shaped water fountain ……… I had no answer. So now I cringe every time I remember it, and am so thankful I don’t have to watch it on video.
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That is so freaking funny. I hadn’t even considered the possibility of immortalizing a snafu. Thanks!
i seem to be in the minority here but I love our wedding video. we watch the video every year on our anniversary and I think I cry every time. Now that we have kids, they love watching it too, pointing out all their relatives and asking us questions about the day. And like Beth said, it’s especially nice to see those who are no longer with us. I also like seeing stuff that was going on during the day when I was elsewhere. Our favorite part is listening to the toast – it makes us laugh every time we watch it. we only have a highlight video – it’s about 40 min. long – i wouldn’t want it any longer. We had a single person film the wedding and we asked him to be very discreet – preferring he be in the background so that we didn’t even know he was there. We also told him he wasn’t on the hook for getting any specific shots – which took the pressure off him and allowed him to respect our wishes to be discreet. My older brother gave me only one piece of advice for my wedding…get a video…and I’m so glad I listened to him.
Suzy, that’s exactly what I pictured when I first proposed getting a videographer. I think our daughter would love watching it! Luckily we have over a year to work on some kind of compromise. Those are really helpful tips, the instructions you gave to yours.
Let him win. Surrender, give in, let him get his way on this. That’s my vote.
My thought on wedding planning (and actually marriage) is along the lines of he-who-cares-most-wins. I care most about 90% of things in our life so I win a lot 😉
This is clearly something he has strong feelings on (stronger than yours…) so honor those feelings.
That’s where I was when i wrote the post. Now of course I’m confused again — wondering if there is a way to do it so minimally that I can have my keepsake without altering Dave’s experience. Luckily we have over a year to figure it out.
Dude, go for it. And don’t tell Dave. Then he can act naturally without feeling the pressure of having to perform (what is he, a show dog?) for the video.
Obviously, that’s impossible. But I still say record it. The whole day goes by SO quickly and you can’t be everywhere at once; the video will be about your guests and their experience, much of which you’ll miss.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to watch MY wedding video and then sob. Oh, I should warn you, watching yourself age on tape blows.
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Right? I should have people wearing button hole cams like they do on hidden camera TV shows. Smile, you’re on Candid Wedding!
Dave’s wrong.
The thing about memories, is they don’t last, videos do. Unless you’re hiring a full on news crew, then it’s not clear why it has to be so invasive.
There a zillion styles of videographers. It doesn’t have to be the guy with the boom in the bride’s face saying, “Can you say that again? I didn’t get it.” You could find someone who captures your style, your personalities and your wedding.
The thing that ruins the moment at a wedding is everything. Something will always go wrong. And with a two year old serving as rabbi, priest, flower girl and toddler, chances are it won’t be perfect. But it will be fun. And lovely and special. Why not videotape the day so you can see all the things that happened when you were busy saying, “I do.”
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Maybe instead of a videographer we need a PI whose day job is catching cheating spouses – someone who can shoot from the bushes. Points taken. Still negotiating.
I can’t imagine not having it. It has moments on it that we would never, ever remember if we couldn’t see it for ourselves. It has the voices of people who aren’t here to listen to anymore. It has one laugh out loud moment that couldn’t have been captured on still. We used a friend btw not a professional… no bright lights, no posing, no in-your-face. He was very out of the way and did not tape the WHOLE thing because he was enjoying it too. My kids love watching it, and I find it invaluable for bringing back those feelings!
Thanks Carol. Those are my reasons in the YES column. What was the LOL moment I wonder??
First time visitor, first time commenter, and I LOVE your blog name. Like you, I had kids with the hubs before we made it official, and we DEFINITELY filmed it. He even made a web site! http://www.soweeloped.com/
It was very casual filming: our good friend (and witness) used our camera and stayed out of the photographer’s way. The audio’s a little wonky, but it’s casual and fun (just like our day). Since we eloped, we were able to share it with the people who we would have most liked to have there as a small way of including them, and also copy it and send on to close loved ones who wouldn’t have been able to make a bigger wedding (including Michael’s grandfather, 95 and on the opposite coast). Our daughters love rewatching it… it’s a happy, momentous memory for them that’s preserved forever. And I was so emotional during the ceremony that, were it not for the video, I surely would have forgotten all the funny little flubs that made it delightful: my 6-year-old reluctant to hand over the ring pillow, the marriage commissioner telling me to put the ring on my husband’s finger only to find I’d long since nervously squashed it on… I laugh and cry again every time we watch it.
You can do it at no cost and completely unobtrusively, and honestly, are you ever going to regret having videotaped your wedding? YOU ARE NOT.
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Tracy, welcome to the blog! I hope you’re subscribe or come check out the Facebook page. I checked out your website – amazing. If I could find a friend to do the video, that would be a good solution. We’ll see.