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Author’s Note: If you’ve been reading Carriage Before Marriage for a while, you know my IVF odyssey wrapped up nearly a year ago.  Writing this post for gave me some closure.  I know how lucky I am to have my daughter, and we haven’t totally given up hope on a natural pregnancy to give her a sibling.  I don’t regret trying IVF and know many families for whom it has worked beautifully. And now without further ado…

I was certain that in vitro fertilization would work for me.

IVF meds

For one thing, I already have a daughter conceived naturally. So I knew I wasn’t infertile in the clinical sense. Yet when it came to having a second baby, I didn’t have a lot of patience for Mother Nature. At 41, I knew my biological clock could run out of batteries at any moment. So after trying the old-fashioned way for 6 months, we made an appointment with a fertility doctor.

Success rates for IVF at my age weren’t super high, but I was certain—absolutely certain—that we would beat the odds. Here were just a few of my legal arguments in the nonexistent court of I Know I Will Get Pregnant:

  • We live in a major metropolitan area with some of the best doctors in the country. Surely our odds are better here.
  • Our doctors offer special pricing: if the first two rounds of IVF don’t work, the third try is free. If they are that confident, then surely I will have a baby.
  • I’m healthy and reasonably fit—no genetic issues, no celiac disease. I’m open and ready for business!
  • I look young for my age. Maybe my ovaries are young for their age, too.
  • About a third of the babies in my mommy & me class were IVF babies, so success rates must actually be really high! (Never mind that the failed attempts don’t make it to mommy & me class—all I saw was a lot of beautiful babies, courtesy of science.)

Based on all of these closely held and totally made-up beliefs, I was optimistic and fully committed to IVF…

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