Oh, man, am I in trouble.
My mom wanted to buy Viv a dollhouse and requested my input on which kind to get. I found a Kidkraft model online that looked perfect — colorful, creative, and fun. It even had an elevator, just like the Barbie Dream House that rocked my world circa 1978. So my mom took my recommendation and ran with it.
One minor problem: neither of us ever bothered to check the dimensions of said dollhouse. My mom’s theory: “Aren’t all dollhouses sort of the same size?” (Holds arms out approximate width of French baguette.) How naive we were.
You may remember that Dave is the neat and organized one in our relationship. I am something of a hoarder. His mission in life is to manage and minimize clutter. Mine is to continually sneak new possessions (toys, books, cookware) in past the goalie. But usually I’m subtle about it. I know better than think we can absorb AN OBSCENELY LARGE DOLLHOUSE.
So when the (suspiciously heavy) package arrived, Dave and I waited until Viv fell asleep, then set about assembling it. Here’s how our night went down, in 5 stages.
1. DENIAL – 8:00p
Dave: This thing has a lot of parts.
Me: Oh, we’ll get it done fast. Look, the directions only have 27 steps.
Dave: Where are we going to keep this dollhouse anyway? It seems pretty big.
Me: How big can it be? It came in a box. It will fit anywhere in Viv’s room, I’m sure.
2. ANGER – 9:04p
Dave: Are you kidding me, Amy? This thing is bigger than our apartment.
3. BARGAINING – 10:16p
Dave: This is a joke, right? It’s huge. We don’t have room for this. We’re going to have to start getting rid of stuff. We’re going to have to collapse the play tent, ditch some toys, move her chair to my parents’ house, store the ottoman…
Amy: I like the ottoman!
Dave: I like our daughter having more than two feet of floor space in her room.
4. DEPRESSION – 11:31p
Amy: I think the roof’s on backwards.
Dave: I’m exhausted.
Amy: Let’s put off building the annex until tomorrow then.
5. ACCEPTANCE – 12:05a
Amy: Look, it comes up to my nose.
Dave: She’s going to love this thing.
Amy: I know.