Dear Daughter,
“You’re my favorite person in the whole world” is not something you’re going to hear me say anymore. Not only is it unfair to Daddy, but it really won’t go over well with your baby sister, once she’s born and learns to talk. For now, though, it’s hard not to keep thinking it.
You, you, you. You’re the one who burst my heart wide open. You taught me what wild, uncontrollable, unlimited, unconditional love feels like. You changed everything. You turned me into a mom.
And even though you will no longer be my only child, or even my only girl, you will always be my first.
You’re the first one to make me forget myself. You’re the first person I ever said “I love you” to more than ten times in one day. You’re the first human whose temperature I took, whose nose I wiped, and whose projectile vomit I was too tired to clean up and just sort of slept in.
With you, I made my first-time mom mistakes, like letting you roll off the bed onto the floor. Who knew you could roll? Thank you for not getting hurt and also for not holding a grudge.
Our baby’s coming soon, and while you may not be my only child any more, you’ll probably be the only kid who knows what it’s like to have my undivided attention. Because how do I ever stop myself from thinking about you?
This realization gives me the guilts, but then again, your sister will have some advantages. I can’t imagine she will ever be bored or lonely for long–not with you and your unlimited repertoire of songs, dance moves, costumes and magic tricks. I can’t wait to watch her watching you.
You. You were my first newborn, infant, toddler and preschooler and the one who continues to surprise me every day. You’re the intrepid explorer who pulls me by the hand into the future. You’re in all my thoughts and dreams, and every wish I make upon a star.
So when you’re feeling frustrated that I’m nursing your sister instead of playing dress-up, or that I might use stern words with you but not her (she’s just a baby), or that I can’t stop talking about how cute she is (I like infants the way you like ponies), know that there is more than enough love for both of you, because of the ever-expanding place in my heart that you made.
You, you, you. You will always be my first.
Wonderfully beautiful. Simple and heart felt. Thanks for sharing a piece of your heart! Keep savoring your passions and happy moments, dear!
Thank you so much. It felt good to get this out before the baby comes.
This was really beautiful Amy! Thank you
Oh, my firstborn son, Jack Jack. These thoughts mirror mine, almost every day. I’ve never had anyone else explain it so clearly without it seeming like they’re playing favorites, because that’s not what it is. THIS explains it so well!
Every night when the littles are asleep and I finally get to cuddle him—I simply adore that little window of time when it’s just the two of us again.
Thank you for this!!!
That is such a lovely thought about putting the eldest to bed last and getting one-on-one cuddle time. I will need that too!
Dear Mom, I’ve always wondered about your relationship with my big sister. It always feels like you’ll share a secret I’m not in on. I know you love me too, but knowing it’s a little less than you love her just helps everything make so much sense. I’m glad it’s not all in my head. thanks for confirming my biggest insecurity about your love.
Your other daughter
It sounds like you’re bringing some baggage to this topic. Perhaps you hold your parents responsible for some perceived slight? I don’t think you are a parent yet, because if you were, you’d understand – the second child is loved equally to the first. The difference is that the second child only knows a world in which she has a sibling. The first child (and her parents) remember a time before that. I choose to honor this time and also move on from it by writing about it.
Dear amy…i read this one n i’m touched with ur word thay really comes from your heart…i’m end up with teary eyes…coz now i’m with my two girls (just put them on bed)…look atnmy first bby girl,while read ur writing,makes me wanna cry….really love it….could i have ur permission to repost this on my blog?
Dear amy…i feel touched reading this post…really kove the way u express ur true feeling towards ur daughter..i’m also a mother of two girls and yes i’m definitely feel you..my first one is 3yo and 2nd is 7mo..really love this and can i have ur permission to repost this on my blog?
Hi Farah, thanks so much for your kind note. I would rather you linked to my post than republished the whole thing. You may print a few lines as a teaser and then ask your readers to follow the link. Thanks!
tq amy for ur response…that’s what i mean actually…:)
i really love to reads all ur writing actually…and keeo waiting for ur latest update…
I am 5 weeks away from welcoming my second daughter and this made me cry (not sure if its the pregnancy hormones), but regardless it was beautiful!
Congratulations! We just brought ours home from the hospital and it’s been wonderful so far. My older one has been surprisingly understanding and of course the mother love just doubles, triples, infinity. Good luck!