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If you’re old enough to remember a bath product called Calgon, then you definitely remember their commercials. A frazzled mom yells, “Calgon, take me away!” and is transported into a luxurious bubble bath, where, presumably, she can no longer hear her kids arguing.

Like that blue eye shadow-wearing mom of yore, I very much enjoy escaping to the bath tub when I can. It’s my calm-down happy place. That is why I do not understand my children’s feelings about bath time at all. When I announce that it’s bath time, you’d think I’d just sentenced a unicorn to death. So much complaining. So much procrastinating. And for what? Because it’s so awful to sit in warm soapy water while someone lovingly shampoos your hair?

Kids are weird, and not just about taking a bath, either. Here are five other things my kids hate that make absolutely no sense to me.

1. Putting on sunscreen

We live in Southern California, where SPF is always part of the morning routine. Unfortunately, I typically have to chase my children in circles and hold them down to apply sunscreen, after which my 6-year-old will run into the bathroom and wash it all off. Which part don’t you like, kids? The free lotion massage? The protection from sunburn? I will never understand.

2. Wearing a sweater

When I get cold, I put on a sweater. It’s not an advanced technology, yet it really works, like, 100 percent of the time. Despite all the scientific evidence that sweaters and jackets make you warm, I still can’t convince my kids that outerwear is a good idea. I get the “Watchoo talkin’ about, mama?” face every time I suggest it. And then they run away into the icy air, still wearing a tank top.

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