Have you ever seen The Stepford Wives—the awesome original or the campy/crappy remake?
I got to thinking about the robot that would replace me if I lived in Stepford, and how easy it would be to program it. There are only about 30 things that I do all day – I just do each of them a lot.
- Pick baby up
- Put her down
- Wipe milk from couch cushions
- Wipe sticky fingers and face
- Just keep wiping
- Say “food stays on the tray”
- Remove Cheerios, one at a time, from the floor
- Wrestle an alligator (diaper change)
- Wrestle an alligator (car seat edition)
- Try to get sun screen on the alligator
- Push a swing and say “Wheeee”
Wheeee
- Eat cheddar bunnies and drink from the sippy (share some with baby)
- Employ the 5-second rule
- Snap a photo a half second after baby does something new/amazing/adorable
- Spend 20 minutes trying to recapture missed photo op glory
- Make friends with dogs
- Buy milk and bananas
- Check Facebook and sigh at all the people on vacation
- Perform my one-woman show “I’m peeing on the potty” for a captive audience
- Take out toys
- Put away toys
- Try unsuccessfully to prevent the reemergence of the toys
- Rudely interrupt play time to prepare a meal (over objections of alligator, who may bite)
- Observe baby drinking bath water (look the other way)
- Observe baby not making contact between teeth and toothbrush (look the other way)
- Wrestle sleepy alligator (pajamas)
- Read Goodnight Moon from memory in reverse order just to keep things interesting
- Fall asleep with eyes open while singing Twinkle Twinkle
- Feel lucky, get worried, knock wood (the robot will not bother with this)
- Kiss the baby
Ha! I love your blog so much, Amy! Hilarious. I especially love #14 & 15. This is what I do too- and it -like so much of parenting!- drives me NUTS. Sometimes I wonder if it’s even worth “risking the moment” to go grab the camera… Sigh.
Thank you! I know, I’d feel worse about it if it was a new, technology-created interruption, but I’m pretty sure our parents did this with their film cameras too.
HAHAHA – seriously one of the best posts on the day in the life of a mommy I’ve ever read. Love it. 14, 15 & 24 really hit home with me 🙂
Thanks Donna! How bad can the bath water be, right?
omg THIS is my life!! And after each time my walls and floor get graffitied, there’s a rousing chorus of “WHERE does the crayon go? on the PAPER!”
Oh that’s a good one.
Omg Amy! this is hilarious! Lee and i laughed out loud through this whole thing. defintely describes a day in the life! especially love 6, 18, 24!
Thanks Gina!
I live 14 and 15 constantly!
I wish there were cameras in my eyes. I’m pretty sure Apple will come out with that soon.
Did you write this list about ME? Haha. I especially liked #19, as I too am a one-woman “peeing on the potty” show. And also #25. Glad to hear someone else looks the other way when a sub-par toddler toothbrushing job is happening. E sucks the flavor (i.e. the toothpaste) off the toothbrush, then sets it on a pillow and walks away.
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Yes I’ve totally been spying on you. And we have the same life, except I’m not as useful in the kitchen.