My job as a parent is to teach my toddler how the world works.  I make sure she knows that stoves are hot, snow is cold and it’s always nice to share – especially Halloween candy, with your mother.

But despite my best efforts, a lot of what my daughter is learning in toddlerhood seems to run counter to real life.  Here are some of the unrealistic expectations I think we’re setting for her:

1. Every time someone visits, they bring you a gift.

2. Whenever you do something new, people applaud.

3. Your poops are a cause for celebration.

4. Mispronouncing a word is adorable.

5. Your singing voice is perfection: encore, encore!

6. Eating with your hands, eating under the table, eating while running – all fine!  Everyone’s just happy you’re getting your nutritional needs met.

7. Clothing is optional.

8. When you get tired, a large person airlifts you and all your belongings to your destination.

9. The paparazzi follows your every move.

Hope you’re not too disappointed in 20 years, kid.

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