Here’s my first post for parenting site Mom.me (And clearly I was feeling snarky.) Do a girl a favor and “like” it on Facebook so they think I’m awesome?
Hey you, with your face buried in your smart phone, getting carpel tunnel from texting, totally oblivious to your little sand-throwing hellion who’s tearing up the playground. I feel ya.
I live in California where it’s always playground weather, so my toddler and I hit the swings about three times a week – more often than I go to the gym, shtup my fiancé or get a good night’s sleep. Watching my kid climb, slide and initiate playground friendships was adorable the first bazillion times, but then I kind of glazed over. And sure, the obvious answer for bored playground parents is to go digital, but that’s like wearing a sign that says, “I’m not paying attention.” If you don’t want to seem disconnected, even when you are, here are some stealthy adult playground distractions:
1. Style Watch – Channel Joan Rivers and conduct your own mental episode of “Fashion Police,” nominating the best and worst dressed mamas on the playground. See the mom in the yoga pants? As Joan would say, about 20 bitches stole her look, but who wore it best? You can also lay odds on when the dolled up mom in the stilettos and pencil skirt will topple over. Hours of fun.
2. Ogle the Hot Dads – Locate the most attractive DILF’s (Dad’s I’d Like To…) in the park. Indulge in a little harmless fantasy, possibly involving you two on a swing, naked. If you’re happily married, all the better–your husband will be pleasantly surprised by your lack of headache come bedtime. You may be a mom, but you’re not dead, so put the “date” back in “play date!” Just stop short of actually exchanging digits or you’re going to have a daytime drama on your hands.
Read the rest at Mom.me…
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