I felt super guilty writing this. I blame hormones.
Checking Facebook this morning, I noticed a cute photo of some friends drinking at a bar, arms around each other, mugging for the camera. I clicked “like,” but truth be told, I didn’t really like seeing them all having fun without me. I’d been invited to join them, but at 20 weeks pregnant, I wasn’t up for a late night, especially one where I’d be sipping water while the party girls downed margaritas. So why did I feel so left out?
It’s not like I don’t want this baby. On the contrary, we tried for 2.5 years to give our daughter a sibling, and I still consider it a bonafide miracle that I’m pregnant. I’m just surprised how trapped I sometimes feel.
When I was pregnant with my first child, I was all in. Excited to begin a new chapter of my life, I fully embraced the radical changes pregnancy brought. Going out and partying held zero appeal, and I rolled my eyes at knocked up friends who whined about missing sushi or vodka. These sacrifices weren’t just worth it — I wore them like a badge of big-bellied honor.
Four years later and pregnant again, something has shifted. I find myself daydreaming about jumping on a plane to Paris. Or buying leather pants. Actually, my leather pants ensemble would look great in Paris, if only I could find a pair that would fit over my bump. Continues at Momtastic…
I felt the same way! No guilt needed. It’s an interesting journey, this parenting thing… I struggled like this during BOTH pregnancies and was shocked by my feelings, especially with baby #1 (for whom I had been waiting sooooooo long for!). WTF?!
One thought: I have sometimes been pleasantly shocked to learn wild & interesting factoids about some of the mommy-friends I’ve met since having my two kids. Often times these hidden gems were quite surprising to me. My suggestion would be to re-frame it for yourself. Imagine some mommy-friend that is new in your life (now or in the future) and as you’re talking (& parenting your kids) together she suddenly finds out something really surprising & delighting about you, from your “past life.” Imagine how fun it would be to catch someone by surprise like that! And now imagine that you’re on the other side of it, finding out some fabulously delicious story about your new mommy-friend… How fun!
In my life I have met some of the most boring-looking, “button down” people -especially since joining the SAHM set. But once in awhile I find myself shocked (and delighted) by one of these boring-seeming moms. For example: one mom from our kids’ preschool looks sooooo “normal,” even saintly in her role (annoyingly), as she takes care of one child with severe autism and two other little kids. But it turns out that she has a major shoe fetish that consumes a huge part of her life AND she is majorly into Marilyn Manson. I was stunned by this! Some of my new parent-friends I find out are: bisexual and never thought they’d be parenting with a man/woman (insert gender), Capoeira enthusiasts, world travelers (with lots of interesting adventures to share!), bilingual/bicultural, etc… The stories are fascinating! Imagine it. And now imagine that YOU are the one who fascinates someone else with one of your wild stories about your pre-mama days…
Thanks for the pep talk! That’s a good idea re: the mom friends – everybody’s got a past, or at least I hope they do.
I wish you could find a leather pants that would fit your bump. Keep writing, I love reading your posts though this is the first I’m commenting.
Thanks for commenting! There really should be someone doing punk rock maternity clothes, but I haven’t found them yet.