Babies are such amazing little creatures. They’re born with the instinctive ability to root, to suck and to throw their limbs forward when startled. They’re also born understanding how to royally screw with their parents. Sometimes they even seem to enjoy it. Here are just a few examples of how our babies like to mess with us:
1. Waking from a nap the moment you sit down to eat dinner.
2. Spitting up all over you that one day you showered and put on a real shirt. Bonus points for spitting up in your hair when it’s clean and unprotected by a pony tail.
3. Destroying exactly one more outfit than the number of spare outfits you packed in the diaper bag.
4. Wailing inconsolably for so long that you’re certain it’s colic or the croup or worse when all of a sudden BURRRRP and they’re smiling again.
5. Snoozing through a jackhammer, loud rock music and the door slamming, but waking up when you sneeze. You only have yourself to blame.
6. Dozing off for five minutes and believing that constitutes an afternoon nap.
7. Suddenly sleeping for six hours in a row, causing you to stay up all night to make sure they’re still breathing.
8. Celebrating the removal of their diapers by peeing in your face.
9. Waiting until you’ve buckled the car seat straps and peeled out of the garage to fill their diapers to the brim. Bonus points if they’re layered in winter clothing.
10. Pooping immediately after a diaper change. Or better yet, during. And should you choose to put them in a fancy outfit for a special occasion, they’re definitely pooping up the back.
11. Guaranteed diaper blow-out if you’re in public restroom with no changing table and not even a lid for the toilet. Get ready for the airborne baby changing Olympics!
12. Sleeping all day and partying all night.
13. Crying because they can’t find a single one of the half dozen pacifiers you’ve placed within arm’s reach in the crib.
14. Having a weird cough/rash/bump EXCEPT on the day you bring them to the pediatrician.
15. Deciding that their first word will be “Dada.”
16. Being so delicious, snuggly and smiley that you just have to have another one.
Consider yourself messed with, mama.