This time of year, our Facebook feeds are all flooded with back to school posts. What’s strange for me is that I had my kids so late, I’m completely out of sync with many of my peers.  While I’m still trying to get an infant to sleep through the night, I’ve got friends sending kids to middle school, high school–even college!

But I’d like to think that parents of the littlest and biggest kids can still find common ground.  That’s why I’ve rewritten this classic baby bedtime book for college students.

Sleep well, everybody.

In the great dorm room,

There was a three foot bong.

And a bag of shrooms.

And a picture of Jim Morrison, gone too soon.

And there were three open beers for saying “cheers.”

And The Catcher in the Rye and a tapestry, tie-dyed.

And shower shoes and moldy food.

And a guitar amp and a lava lamp.

And a stranger passed out who has a tramp stamp.

And a next door neighbor screaming, “Stop playing Crosby Stills & Nash already—this isn’t summer camp!”

Good night, dorm room. Good night, moon.

Good night, Jim Morrison, gone too soon.

Good night, bong and good night, shrooms.

Good night, beers. Good night, cheers.

Good night, Rye. Good night, tie-dye.

Good night, shoes. Good night, food.

Good night, amp. Good night, lamp.

Good night, whoever that is, with the tramp stamp.

Good night, bars. Good night, stanky air.

Good night, lucky bastards everywhere.